I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
