i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
