Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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