Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
