Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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