i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
