so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im part way to drunk.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
