Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
