he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
