I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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