guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
