Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize