I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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