is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
