Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
