Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
