You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
