and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
