i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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