I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
