I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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