We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
