zippers are such a cool invention
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
