Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sorry about my life...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
