highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i've created a new STD.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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