There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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