My Higher Power is John Stamos
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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