so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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