Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
