There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sarcasm needs its own font
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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