I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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