It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
