he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
