Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize