it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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