I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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