He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
