glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He passed out mid-signature
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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