did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
