Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
