GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
