GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize