please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
