All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
me + whiskey = a bad person
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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