I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
