just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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