Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
