Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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