I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fuck me I smell like cheese
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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