yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
