I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
