So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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