Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
