Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
