I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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