i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
