Can i not drive my cunt home
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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