Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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