i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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