I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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