If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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