Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
how does that bad decision feel?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
