I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
