Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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