...so i touched it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
