The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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