So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
