Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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