Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
